juilan: I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups
theblindvisionary: we take the naps we think we deserve
ambassador-of-anguish: shouldertappingghosts: If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate...
jinn0uchi: the-hatred-machine: purgatorystuck: Mi papá tiene 47 años= my dad is 47 years old Mi papa tiene 47 anos= my potato has 47 assholes I love spanish A capital letter changes it even further: Mi Papa tiene 47 anos = My pope has 47 anuses literally the best post I have seen on this website
zackisontumblr: if you’re following me i’m just warning you that i don’t know where i’m going
tanakas: if you’re mad at me please just tell me what i did wrong instead of ignoring me
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
wimpynoodle: I’M NOT EVEN GOOD AT THINGS I’M GOOD AT
catsandcollarbones: rnexican: imagine having a boyfriend that takes you to concerts imagine having a boyfriend
barricadeponine: i wish i was a mermaid so i could have a nice shiny tail and a pretty seashell bra and a beautiful voice that i could use to entice cute boys and make them crash their ships and drown at sea so human women could rise as the dominate gender of the land
genocidercyo: clockey: you’re the window to my wall you’re the sweat that drips down my balls
amexicanwithamustache: motherstrickle: partybarackisinthehousetonight: do catholics fail trigonometry because they’re afraid of sin do irish people fail trigonometry because they can’t tan does everyone else fail trigonometry just cos
idk why i even bother getting crushes on people because it’s not like i’m gonna end up dating them anyway so like it’s such a waste of feelings
hipsterinatardis: Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.
yaygocats: discomplete: “i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography “I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.
theghostoffbrpast: if i ever publish a book and it ends up on here with half the text blacked out to make some angsty teenagerish sentence i will come and hunt you down motherfucker
me on every birthday: maybe today is the day when i find out i'm actually some sort of mythological creature.
doll-ballet: It’s so sad that some of the loveliest and kindest people dislike themselves a lot
epic-humor: bellatrixissexy: winchester-hale: idontknowaskhermione: It’s actually really disturbing that kids falling asleep in school is viewed as them being lazy and not as the school overworking them to the point that they literally can’t stay awake. i fell asleep in chemistry class once and my teacher got me a pillow and a blanket and made the class work in silence so i could...